Margaret Rome's Blog

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This Group Is Not About Real Estate

 Name this group

 

A grief group, a widows group ... not the right name. This is a group of special women who have experienced profound loss. For some, it has only been a few months, for others- years. 

My best friend, Karen, organized the gathering, served dinner, and had a gift book for each guest. There was a lot of comfort and warmth in her lovely home.

 

karen and margaret

 

Karen and I have known each other for over forty years but reconnected after her John and my Lee passed away. A strong friendship of mutual love, admiration and respect has developed over the past four years. Daily texting and Saturday night dates…we are there for each other. She gets me! I get her! 

 “Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief.”

 

The two of us are the seniors in length of time. We thought we would be giving sage advice on how to move forward and survive the unthinkable loss. 

The surprise was how much we all had in common no matter how much time had passed. A few months/ a few years not a whole lot of difference. 

 Our stories were short and abbreviated.  As each person shared a brief recap, the rest of us were glued to their words.

Is one person's widowhood worse?

Not at all...whether a longtime illness or a quick unexpected death. Each tragic recount was spellbinding.

No comparison but so much compassion.

My thought was to breeze through the evening just helping everyone else. After all, it was five years for me. Plenty of time to "get over it.'  That is not how it happened. Sure time has passed, the tears are less frequent but the memories of the end were once again so vivid. We were all in this same club and none of us by choice.

Different emotions were shared by each participant. Some expressed bitterness, anger, and a total feeling of emptiness. Even with family around, there was the feeling of being completely alone.  A few avoided going home to the unbearable emptiness. And others felt real comfort in being in the home shared with their loved one. Some enjoyed being with friends and couples. Others saw only the "empty chair" and felt like a fifth wheel.

Some felt gratitude for what we had and not what we lost.

In the beginning, we all had difficulty just getting through an individual day.

Some families came together giving great support. Others were pulled apart and felt yet another loss losing the in law/friends part of the family. 

The term was brought up ...We's and The Me's. 

We lost partners, lovers, husbands, best friends, handsome guys, generous men, our rocks, our financial advisers, check writers, and even trash removal partners. 

Some had a long illness, some were younger, some were sudden and unexpected. Some were with their partner at the time of death and others were not.  For some the chance to say goodbye was not an option.

There is no better or worse...it is all a loss…experienced by this sisterhood.

 

A few points that were shared.

-Best friends were brought together.

- Not tears, not crying...I use the term liquid love or liquid memories 

and there is no need to ever apologize.

 

-Things that make me smile= legal pad list.

-What’s the kindest thing people said to you?

-What’s the most hurtful comment you heard?

-Call his friends. If they were important enough to be in his phone, they also miss him.

-A person dies twice. The actual date and then the last time his name is mentioned. Talk about him! Keep his memory alive! Lee Rome memorial award.

 

I did not think I could breathe without him and hard to believe it has been five years.

So how am I doing?

 More than functioning, surviving and thriving... I am completely immersed in my business.

 

Thank you Karen!

 

Margaret Rome

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Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome

Broker-Owner HomeRome Realty 

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Author of Real Estate the Rome Way

mrome@HomeRome.com

410.530.2400

 

 
Comment balloon 22 commentsMargaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland • July 04 2019 05:52AM

Comments

What a nice gathering, and it's nice to hear about such solidarity!  How about the Widowners because you're owning it.

Posted by Georgie Hunter R(S) 58089, Maui Real Estate sales and lifestyle info (Hawai'i Life Real Estate Brokers) 13 days ago

Sounds like a great comfort and support group with the understanding that there is no "right" way to grieve,....

Posted by Sally K. & David L. Hanson, WI Realtors - Luxury - Divorce (EXP Realty 414-525-0563) 13 days ago

“Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief.” I love that sentence, Margaret!

Posted by Myrl Jeffcoat, Greater Sacramento Real Estate Agent (GreatWest Realty) 13 days ago

What a beautiful overview of your group, friendships, and memories. I think the right name for your group would be something opposite of grief, because the whole intent is to support, pull together, provide support. Maybe something along the line of the Blessings Group.

Posted by Kat Palmiotti, The House Kat (Grand Lux Realty, Monroe NY, 914-419-0270, kat@thehousekat.com) 13 days ago

Good morning, Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland people grieve in different ways.... it's always a Blessing to have a support system around you....thanks for sharing yours.... and you've been Blessed to have it....

Posted by Barbara Todaro, Marketing Agent for The Todaro Team (RE/MAX Executive Realty ) 13 days ago

Good morning Margaret. You have a soothing way with words. Enjoy your day 

Posted by Wayne Martin, Real Estate Broker - Retired (Wayne M Martin) 13 days ago

Georgie Hunter R(S) 58089 Thanks for the name suggestion. 

Posted by Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) 13 days ago

Sally K. & David L. Hanson There is no right or wrong way.

Enjoying your July "FUN" blog.

Posted by Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) 13 days ago

Myrl Jeffcoat I first heard the quote used by Carol Williams 

Posted by Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) 13 days ago

Hi Margaret,
Wow... this is a group I can totally relate to!  It's been a journey of balancing reinventing myself and hanging on to the amazing memories.  I'll work on a name.

Posted by Carol Williams, Retired Agent / Broker / Property Manager (Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals.) 13 days ago

The quote shared by Carol Williams is marvelous, and your group seems to epitomize it. I'm glad you have such friends.

Posted by Lottie Kendall, Helping make your real estate dreams a reality (Compass) 13 days ago

Good morning Margaret - everyone handles greif differently.  I think about this myself and wonder how I would handle it.  I am glad top hear you have a group of like minded friends.

Posted by Grant Schneider, Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes (Performance Development Strategies) 13 days ago

Margaret- we all deal with grief in our own way but however we do, this post offers hope. And that (hope) is something we all need. You and your group are blessed. 

Posted by Kathy Streib, Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224 (Room Service Home Staging) 13 days ago

Thanks Kat Palmiotti for your suggestions.

Posted by Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) 12 days ago

Barbara Todaro ActiveRain and members like you have been a wonderful support group!!

Posted by Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) 12 days ago

I thank you Wayne Martin 

Posted by Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) 12 days ago

Carol Williams So very true...It's been a journey of balancing reinventing myself and hanging on to the amazing memories

This group has had only ONE get together. 

Posted by Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) 12 days ago

Lottie Kendall Pretty special when you realize this was a first meeting. Most of us did not know each other.

Posted by Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) 12 days ago

Grant Schneider There is no way to know how you would handle it. My advice: Continue to make wonderful memories!

Posted by Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) 12 days ago

Kathy Streib  Always love when you stop by with your dose of wisdom!

Posted by Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) 12 days ago

Hi Margaret,
I told you I'd work on a name for your group. I've rolled a few around in my head but this is my favorite so far. 
The JAL Gals
J.A.L = Journey After Loss

I could have used Love instead of Loss for the L but there are many categories of loss.  Love is just one of them.  Whaddaya think?

 

 

Posted by Carol Williams, Retired Agent / Broker / Property Manager (Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals.) 6 days ago

Carol Williams  Thanks so much for spending time coming up with a name for this new group. I will run it by everyone and, of course, give you credit!

Posted by Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) 6 days ago

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